I met my boyfriend in Costa Rica on a tropical biology course, and we have been dating long-distance for five months. We are both totally crazy about each other, and in fact when I was visiting him last week, he asked me to marry him! I said yes, and I am very excited about spending our lives together. :)

My concern is that he smokes pot every day (a couple hits from a bong), though he has only smoked once while we've been together (visiting/ in the same place, that is). He is 35 and has smoked every day for about 5 years, and regularly for maybe 10 years before that. Does this mean that he is addicted to pot? I mean mentally/emotionally addicted, since pot is not chemically or physiologically addictive. I am not opposed to marijuana (though I have only tried twice myself), but every day seems a bit excessive to me. I fear that it is a sign of his needing to escape or cope with something bigger, rather than fun, recreational use. Do you have any thoughts on this? Do you think I should be so concerned about it as not to marry him? Would it be 'fair' to ask him not to smoke for my sake? How can I figure out if it's okay with me if he smokes that much before I marry him?

I would greatly appreciate any input you can give!

Thank you.
Peace,
L.

Dear L.,

Why do you think taking a couple of hits from a bong is any different than drinking one beer every day? In fact it's probably healthier. People need to unwind someway. Why do you think it's a bad thing? Other than the legal risks (which vary from locality to locality), and the minimal health risk (2 hits is really nothing), why do you assume there's a psychological dependence? You say he's only smoked once in your presence, so I don't think that could in anyway be considered excessive or indicative of a psychological dependency.

The reasons I smoke (only in the evenings, anywhere from 2-8 hits) is because it helps me take my mind off work (otherwise I'd never stop thinking about it), as it let's me disengage from anything that would normally obsess me. It does tend to numb me to a certain degree, but it also lets my mind wander so that I become more creative, more receptive and more appreciative of music, art and the company of others.

And then there's sex! Marijuana is one of the best and most effective aphrodesiacs known to man. If your boyfriend wants to smoke before sex, I would encourage you to encourage him. You'll certainly notice the difference in his "performance" and sensitivity to you.

And then when it comes time for sleep, I will sleep very soundly, rarely waking at all. I feel refreshed in the morning, if a little fuzzy, but that wears off in a hour or so after a cup of coffee (and isn't that normal anyway?)

So I'm still trying to figure out what the downside is here. Help me out...

The only problem I see here is your own preconceptions and prejudice about marijuana.

-The Old Hippy