I've slowed my weed smoking way down, so I'm only smoking several times a year now - in a large part, because I think it's beginning to really mess with my head whenever I smoke.

I have a wonderful girlfriend who I adore. We have a really great time together, been together almost four years, planning to be together a lot longer. We generally have a great relationship.

Every single time I've gotten high over the past several years (which is maybe five times), our relationship gets bad for several weeks afterward. I stop being in to her, forget why I love her, fail to see the wonderful things about her. Then, after several weeks, things come back together, and we're in love again.

Since these bad feelings seem to come on just when I smoke (or after), I'm starting to conclude that smoking weed is too disruptive to my life. A four hour high just isn't worth three weeks of feeling frustrated and helpless with where my life is.

Other consciousness altering activities don't cause me problems. Mushrooms seem fine. Yoga and meditation bring me closer to my girl and make me feel good and hopeful about where my life is.

Any thoughts on this? Is the problem the weed?, the girl?, me?

thanks!

Something doesn't make sense here. Smoking cannabis doesn't usually lead to relationship problems, unless the smoking itself is an issue in the relationship. You don't mention whether your girlfriend approves of your use of cannabis, or whether she gets high along with you.

The only physiological effect of smoking once in awhile, that lasts more than a day, is that THC does remain in your system for weeks, at ever decreasing levels. That THC should affect your mental state and relationship over that long a period is very unlikely.

What THC does do, quite well in fact, is change your perspective on things. And let's say that before you were in this relationship you were smoking quite a bit on your own (you sorta imply that). Let's go one step further and suggest that when you were doing all this smoking you were free and not committed to any relationship. So what could be happening in this scenario is that you are now involved in a relationship that requires you to constantly be aware and concerned about another person. Something you didn't have to do before, especially when you were getting high more frequently. Now when you smoke, you miss that freedom from responsibility, and regret that you must now live for another person, not just yourself.

You don't mention how old you are, but my guess is late teens to early 20s. This can be a factor, as I've noticed that some people who start smoking weed when they're young (like 13 or so) don't mature socially as fast as those who are straight. That is, they avoid those situations that require more responsibility, especially to others, with one cop out or another. It's just a postponement of the inevitable, and can actually be a handicap in new relationships, because the usual dating scene was bypassed in favor of a hangout with the guys and get stoned scene.

I'm assuming an awful lot here, and really don't know if this applies in your case. But it could.

The solution for you is to come to terms with your own reactions. Why do you let getting high interfere with what is apparently a good relationship? If you feel like you really don't want to be involved with this person when under the influence, why? Is it because she makes what seems like unreasonable demands upon you? Because what might seem unreasonable while stoned, can seem perfectly reasonable when straight. When you're stoned, you probably don't want to do much but hang out. She on the other hand probably has lots of plans for you two. That would be a problem.

The other less likely scenario is that you really don't want to be in this relationship, for some repressed reason, and getting stoned makes this feeling much stronger. But I doubt this because when you're straight you're able to see things more clearly, than when you're stoned, and if you're into yoga and meditation, then that should empower you with all the insight you need.

So my advice is, if you're going to get stoned, make sure it's a mutual activity, and plan some stoney activity for both of you to enjoy together, like a walk in the woods, or a concert or something you can both enjoy. If she's not as eager as you to do this, then you might have to decide whether it's even worth it to get stoned occasionally if it takes this kind of toll on your most important relationship.

-The Old Hippy