Marijuana is Legal!

IPI newswire dispatch - Today's ruling by the Supreme Court which knocks down the current classification of marijuana as a Schedule 1 drug, was completely unexpected.  In a far reaching ruling, the majority opinion stated that the overwhelming evidence shows that there are more appropriate classifications for cannabis, siting the medical potential of the drug indicated in a study recently commissioned by drug czar Gen. Barry McCaffrey. The immediate effect of this ruling is to leave cannibis unclassified for the time being.  It is not clear for how long this will remain in effect.  Congress will have to propose a new classification and pass it before it can become a controlled substance again. 

Several long time marijuana opponents including Jesse Helms conceded that the battle has been lost, and now "hippies will rule the day".  He also said that now that marijuana can be used for medical purposes, he was going to try it to improve his personality.  He admitted he is afflicted with an all too common psychological problem which he termed "paranoia". 

Even President Clinton had something to say about it.  He said that he looked forward to the easing of restrictions not just for medical use, but for recreational use as well.  He indicated had more to say about this subject, but he had to meet with his top advisors for his 4:20 breifing about Kosovo.  Certain members of Congress have said they would be willing to filibuster indefinitely on this issue. 

Elsewhere people were seen celebrating the news all over the country.  In Washington D.C. several hundred people were passing around a six foot long spliff on the steps of Congress.  In Haight Ashbury, the stoners were coming out of the woodwork, parading into Golden Gate Park by the thousands.  The smoke was so thick, several fire alarms were setoff by people thinking the park was on fire.

Dealers report marijuana sales have increased so fast most have run out of the stuff!  The word is out that large cargo ships are now leaving ports in Morocco and Thailand and the Big Island of Hawaii with relief shipments.  Fedex and UPS are sending 747 cargo jets to Nepal, Pakistan and Afghanistan to pickup tons of emergency hashish.  U.S. Customs officials have said they will expedite the foreign shipments to alievate the suffering in major cities across the country.

If you are totally out, you can replenish your stash at FEMA's emergency relief center in Humbolt County.  They have a special website where you can place your order.  The site is  As long as supplies last you can order as much as a pound of top grade Humbolt sensimilla for FREE! 

On the downside, Coffeeshop owners and cannabis growers in Amsterdam noted an immediate decline in business and feared they might have to close down if Americans no longer patronized their establishments.  They have appealed to the Dutch government to subsidize cannabis sales in Holland (via a f 100 weekly stipend to all Dutch people and tourists).


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